Things change with children
Having a long friendship is very challenging in modern times, and becoming a parent is life-changing.
Your bff (best friend forever) will change when children arrive. Surviving the ups and downs surrounding parenthood can make or break any relationship. I can certainly sympathize with you on this subject. When I was younger I eventually lost friends due to their changing situation such as marriage and becoming parents.They started to spend less time with me and more time with other parents.
I was not a mother and eventually discovered that I would never become a parent. Of course my friends and I tried to spend time together, but people often befriend others like themselves. Birds of a feather flock together, as the saying goes.
People often change and go through transitions so you may be left out in the cold. Becoming a parent means having "play dates", going to teacher conferences and getting involved with the PTA. There's not much in common for childless friends. After all "birds of a feather flock together" as we've all heard; it's so true.
Jealousy
There are spouse or committed couples who are jealous of that special bond you may have with a long time friend.They can sabotage a friendship and try to come between you two, with all sorts of ridiculous reasons. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for a jealous, insecure spouse to give an ultimatum.
I had this happen and it is hurtful and frustrating to have a jealous spouse. Yeah, I know, some men are good with the friendships. For the most part, men don't seem to let children or spouses get in the way of their friendships, but we women do.
Your bff (best friend forever) will change when children arrive. Surviving the ups and downs surrounding parenthood can make or break any relationship. I can certainly sympathize with you on this subject. When I was younger I eventually lost friends due to their changing situation such as marriage and becoming parents.They started to spend less time with me and more time with other parents.
I was not a mother and eventually discovered that I would never become a parent. Of course my friends and I tried to spend time together, but people often befriend others like themselves. Birds of a feather flock together, as the saying goes.
People often change and go through transitions so you may be left out in the cold. Becoming a parent means having "play dates", going to teacher conferences and getting involved with the PTA. There's not much in common for childless friends. After all "birds of a feather flock together" as we've all heard; it's so true.
Jealousy
There are spouse or committed couples who are jealous of that special bond you may have with a long time friend.They can sabotage a friendship and try to come between you two, with all sorts of ridiculous reasons. Unfortunately, it's not uncommon for a jealous, insecure spouse to give an ultimatum.
I had this happen and it is hurtful and frustrating to have a jealous spouse. Yeah, I know, some men are good with the friendships. For the most part, men don't seem to let children or spouses get in the way of their friendships, but we women do.
Making Time for Friends
When
a friend becomes a parent, the dynamics of the friendship certainly do
change. If they are a single parent, then it may be a little easier to
remain close. Often times a spouse will not get along with a friend and
vice-verse.
I have found that the spouse may either become a help or hindrance. Some husbands may use the children to "guilt" the wife into staying home and not pursuing their friendship with you. Of course, many men can also be guilted by their wife of girlfriend but it's not as prevalent. Children have grandparents as well and they may also play the guilt card and frown upon you going out with old friends for the night or handing out with single friends.
As
children and parents age,friendships may change as well. As I grew
older I was fortunate to re connect with friends from my past. They
didn't have the same priorities or maybe they divorced and had more
time. Friendships go through a lot of changes, much like a marriage. If
two people are determined to keep that special bond alive, then it will
continue.
In a nutshell, it's not easy being friends with those who have children, when you don't. I hope people see the need to keep longtime friends or short after the baby arrives. Now the grandchild is another story! You can help spoil them.
A lot depends on your stage of life, the age of the kids, spouses, gender, culture and upbringing. Friendships are important and adults need to keep their friends after children arrive.
I have found that the spouse may either become a help or hindrance. Some husbands may use the children to "guilt" the wife into staying home and not pursuing their friendship with you. Of course, many men can also be guilted by their wife of girlfriend but it's not as prevalent. Children have grandparents as well and they may also play the guilt card and frown upon you going out with old friends for the night or handing out with single friends.
How to Sustain a Friendship with Those Who Are Parents
I
think sharing creates a bond so being allowed to share time with your
friend's children is beneficial. You can allows help out as well.
One of the easiest ways to stay connected is to offer some downtime from time to time and babysit their children. Allowing your pal to go out with her husband or significant other provides much relief and keeps you in the loop. You can take the kids to the park, movies, playground or for an overnight sleepover.
You and your bff should also schedule time together; someone else can watch the children so you can continue to do some of the activities that you both enjoyed before children arrived.
Women don't take the time to take care of themselves. We often make the sacrifices and become martyrs for the sake of the children. It's good for one's emotional and mental health to get away from time to time and reconnect to old friends.
Older But Wiser
One of the easiest ways to stay connected is to offer some downtime from time to time and babysit their children. Allowing your pal to go out with her husband or significant other provides much relief and keeps you in the loop. You can take the kids to the park, movies, playground or for an overnight sleepover.
You and your bff should also schedule time together; someone else can watch the children so you can continue to do some of the activities that you both enjoyed before children arrived.
Women don't take the time to take care of themselves. We often make the sacrifices and become martyrs for the sake of the children. It's good for one's emotional and mental health to get away from time to time and reconnect to old friends.
Older But Wiser
In a nutshell, it's not easy being friends with those who have children, when you don't. I hope people see the need to keep longtime friends or short after the baby arrives. Now the grandchild is another story! You can help spoil them.
A lot depends on your stage of life, the age of the kids, spouses, gender, culture and upbringing. Friendships are important and adults need to keep their friends after children arrive.
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